Gary

Dreams do come true. I am a believer of; you will meet the love of your life. It might be that you have met them or you are still to meet them.

I met my king when I was 21 years old. I met him and I didn’t really fall in love with him at that very moment, I sort of waited it out, unintentionally. At the time that I had met him, he seemed very childish. He seemed like your typical boy who would rather talk about video games than to have a constructive adult conversation. Those who know me, my close friends and more particularly my best friend will tell you how mature I’ve become over the years. Even in my early development, I’ve always been the “adult”.

I suppose as we grow up, we face situations that force us to, first, toughen up, and then learn from the experiences. My parents brought me up in a way that I learn to look after myself. Ultimately, I was raised to raise myself.
His name is Gary (Not his real name). He was tall, well built and had such beautiful skin, funny and very humble. He could be every bit of arrogant if he wanted to. He had all the reasons to be. I mean handsome chap with basically everything that other kids our age would only but aspire to be. Yet, Gary was as meek as a dove.

My first attraction to him came from a place of appreciation; I appreciated who he was as a person, his kind heart, his willingness to assist the next person even when he didn’t need to. He exuded goodwill. The type of values he had displayed were the values I was taught, so for me to see someone actually practise what my parents have been fighting all my life to instil was quite profound. He was my type in every way imaginable. I loved Gary.

I’m the type of person who cannot bottle things up easily; I’d decided to inform my best friend, Sandile, about my crush which was gaining so much momentum. As best friends, we knew each other’s personalities so well, so my announcement to him about this boy was an indirect errand to Gary.
I stayed up so many nights imagining us together. It was official; I was obsessed with this guy. I stalked him religiously on social media platforms. Another essential part about my Gary was that he was a private person, so the whole mystery around the type of person he really was prolonged the suspense as I could not find much on the internet.

On a Saturday morning after a crazy night out I was lying on my bed when I received a “WhatsApp” text which read: “Do you really have a crush on me?” that my jaw dropped. I could not make out the real emotions I was going through. A great shot of wonder trying to figure out who could it be? I knew who I have a crush on, but this person would never in a million years send me such a text. This can’t be him; it is just not his style.
I was nervous and literally shaking. Held my phone on sweaty palms. I could feel that I was drenched with so much hot sweat when I finally learned who it was. I could see from his display picture. My heart was pounding out of my chest.
Before I could answer, I had to play Sherlock Holmes in my mind. I needed to find out who’d told him because Sandile would not dare. I mean, as much as he knows I desperately want to be cuddled in Gary’s arms, I can’t bring myself to admit wanting him, loving him. I decided to ignore the text for the time being. I called Sandile who picked up after the 3rd attempt I’d called. He had just woken up; he too, had the greatest of hangovers. Before he admitted quilt, he laughed so hard and advised on what I should say to Gary. Of course I would not take his advice, I needed to deal with this my way, my own way so I don’t have anyone to blame for any repercussions that may follow.
My biggest problem was admitting or denying, either way I would have to live with whatever decision I would finally come to.
My problem was more based on that, I was uncertain of Gary’s sexuality. If I admit to having a crush on him, then I might become public consumption and if I deny the truth then I might regret what could probably be a brilliant decision. This life thing is hard, we have problems at home, with family and on the other side it is crushes who do not acknowledge us.
That was not the case with me, Gary is not corny although I’d like to generalise the situation like we have made a mantra of “Men are trash”.
Finally, I answered his WhatsApp message. It was after something like 45 minutes. I took time because I needed to be sure of my decision. I needed to be objective with my decision, be able to take responsibility for any consequences that may arise. . . I answered: “Yes Gary, I do have a crush on you.” He responded quickly to say: “But why did I have to hear it from someone and not you? I thought we were cool. Anyway, I’ll see you later. Is it ok?”
My excitement with a tiny shot of nerves as I was reading that chat. It brightened my Saturday. The thought of seeing him later- seeing him in a sense of him coming to me was cure enough for my dread hangover. I was the happiest queer, I felt I had accomplished. . . I had won.
Later came, it was around 16h00 when I received another WhatsApp to say he (Gary) is outside. I went to see him. I was so shy and felt that I was saying the most pathetic things.
When he admitted to liking me, I knew that he is the love of my life. At that very moment, I was swept off my feet. Again I say, dreams do come true. . . My dream came true that afternoon.

I was in a very happy relationship with him for 1 year and a couple of months, I learned things I didn’t know and the world became clearer. He nurtured me, he believed in me and most of all; he loved and took care of me. I was loved unconditionally.

Although we aren’t together anymore, I still look back at the excessive amount of happiness I had with him. I know that one day we will cross paths again, differently and more grown up this time and just laugh at how stupid we were to let us die, our relationship was. . . Perfection! .